Tag Archives: throwback

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Well this is a topic my mom can write about for days and days. She is a victim to owning about 25-30 ugly Christmas sweaters, but here is the kicker, she didn’t think they were ugly. My grandmother would buy my mom these horrid looking sweaters every year, and if you think it stopped at Christmas you are DEAD wrong. My mom owned tacky Halloween sweaters, long sleeve shirts, vests, and earrings. She owned Thanksgiving sweaters, long sleeve Thanksgiving shirts, Turkey vests, and Cornucopia earrings and she had an arsenal of Christmas sweaters, long sleeve Christmas shirts, Christmas vests, and Christmas earrings.  Whats worse than getting picked by your mom rocking mom jeans? Your mom rocking mom jeans, an obnoxious Christmas sweater, jingle belles on her ears, and a turtle neck with little ho ho ho’s all over her shirt. She looked like Santa drank too much the night before and threw up Christmas all over her.

Thankfully, two of her best friends told her it’s time to retire the “Cracker Factory Sweaters” and start dressing normal around the Holiday’s. It wasn’t an easy one but after some time the awful Christmas attire made it’s way to a box and was put in the attic for a long period of time. High School goes by, and it wasn’t until college that the ugly Christmas sweater made its re-debut.

My roommates and I got an invite to a friends ugly Christmas sweater party and I basically shit myself.  Everyone quickly to be creative and run to the nearest thrift shop and try to find the tackiest sweater that could possibly resemble Christmas. Luckily for me, my shit was vintage, and I knew for a fact that NOBODY would be rocking what I rocked. I drove home and told my mom the great news. She didn’t find it funny, and was frankly a little annoyed that her ‘expensive‘ sweaters would be used as a joke. I ended up taking 3 sweaters and a vest for myself and my roommates and I was ready to rock that party.

Best part is one of our family friends was at the party and his mom just so happens to be one of my moms best friends who told her to put the Christmas sweaters to rest. As soon as I walked in he came up to me and said “These are definitely your moms sweaters!”

Here are some pics, all the guys were styled by my mom’s God awful sweaters.

Trev rocking the tree, I'm in the red, Billy in the vest, Chris Kelz in the green

Thanks mom...

Full frontal of my creepy Christmas sledding scene..

If you plan on hosting an Ugly Christmas Sweater party this year, give me a call. I’ve got about 2 boxes of sweaters in my attic. Also for future reference , if you want pilgrims, I got pilgrims. If you want Cornucopias and Indians with Turkeys running around, I have those too. Halloween related sweaters are available upon request…

And I can say, with this post I officially started the Christmas Scene…are you ready for Christmas?


Thursday Throwback – Weekend Class

Ahh it’s Thursday already, I don’t know about you but this week fleeew. (3 E’s to show how fast it went) I love weekends like this one coming up, homecoming weekend at my college, so I know exactly what I am in store for.

As promised, every Thursday at the Bible is “Thursday Throwback“. This is where I tell you a ridiculous story from the past. Here we go…

Weekend Film Class

Senior year of college I wanted to do the least amount of work as possible. I was already at the point where I would make my own snow day’s and even rain day’s . When I was a Junior I took a film class titled “It’s not TV, it’s HBO”. This class was an absolute cake walk. Two weekends long of watching all HBO shows. Where do I sign up? Senior year rolls around and I want to do the same film class. I signed up for it right away, along with my roommate Trevor and my friend Mia. When reading the fine print on the class description, it wasn’t HBO it was Cinema through the years. I’m talking black and white, subtitles and any other headache you can imagine.

I played it cool when I took the class Junior year. I didn’t go out the weekends I had class. It was only two weekends out of the semester, but it met Friday 5:30-10, Saturday and Sunday 8:30-5:30. Plus, the thought of sitting through this class with a hangover sounded like torture. Now-a-days waking up at 8:30 is nothing, but in College, I didn’t see sunlight until noon.

After the first class on Friday, Trevor, Mia, and I decided we didn’t give a shit about film class, were all going out this weekend no matter what. The three of us, along with a bunch of our friends went out Friday night. We kept it pretty cool, nothing too crazy. Sitting in class Saturday wasn’t a problem at all, we had breakfast and took a nap for a few hours. Class was a breeze on Saturday, so of course, were going out again. Saturday night wasn’t like Friday night, we went HARD. Tequila shots toasting to weekend class hard. We weren’t the only ones from the class out so we felt like it was okay. Getting home at 3, passing out and waking up for a simple class of doing nothing all day, sounds easy enough right?


Trevor and I walked into class, looking and feeling like we were brutally beaten the night before. The class looked like we were walking into a cult. Hoods on, heads down, pure silence. Mia wasn’t in class yet, she was very drunk the night before and we got worried that we might have lost a soldier on this mission. A few minutes later Mia walked into class, took a seat by Trev and I, and we didn’t speak at all. About an hour has gone by and nothing has changed. Mia’s hand was shaking uncontrollably, Trevor was white as a ghost, and I was about a second  away from throwing up. Finally, Mia decided to get up and take one for the team. She got up, ran to the bathroom and threw up. Shortly after she came back, Trevor got up and ran to the bathroom to throw up. Once he got back, I said fuck it, i’m in the same boat as them, so I got up and thew up. In the course of 30 minutes, three students got up, ran  out of class and threw up. Of course, one is never enough for me so I had to get up again, run to the bathroom and puke for the second time. I’m not a discreet puker, actually i’m not discreet at anything for that matter, so there is a very strong chance the teacher heard all this going on.

Once the three pioneers of puke were finished, scattered people from the class were discreetly getting up and doing it. We started a trend!

Trev and I on graduation

Mia and I on my birthday

It wasn’t one of my finer moments in life, but it made for a great story. And the answer is Yes, I would take the weekend class again, and Yes, I would still go out during it.

Have you ever thrown up during a class due to a hangover?