Tag Archives: Hangoverbible

Dressing up just to get drunk

I have to admit, I love a good theme party, and with Christmas just around the corner, how many theme parties will you be attending? I’m sure everyone has the Ugly Sweater party to go to, or the Santa and his Hoe Hoe Hoe’s party. Think outside of the box though? Have you ever been to any out of the loop theme parties?

Here is a list of some of the memorable theme parties from the past. 

1. Strippers & Tippers, CEO’s & Corporate Hoe’s Parties. 

In High School those were all the rage. Actually any excuse for a girl to dress slutty and make a rhyme out of it just so happended to be something every girl wanted to do. Almost like a right of passage. Surfer Bro & Bikini Hoe, Football Bro & Cheerleader Hoe, Santa & His Hoe Hoe Hoe’s, the list can go on and on. **New Drinking Game Alert** Next time you are out, think of names that go with a group of friends, the friend that fucks it up takes a shot. (..and you say I don’t look out for you)

Problem with theme’s like those is that you can’t actually drink and party with strippers unless you are really tipping the hell out of them. They also usually bring a huge bodyguard with them or a small pimp with a gun. When you work in corporate America you will notice the CEO, but 98% of the women aka “corporate hoe’s” look like middle age’d, rundown, mothers that you don’t want dressed slutty.

2. The Highlighter Party 

That party was actually really fun. The girls of course got really into the theme with the way they set up the party and how they completely transformed their house. You walked in, they handed you highlighters, the whole house was turned to black lights, and they had white papers all over the walls. They basically allowed you to go crazy in their house. This was very out of the norm for the house the party was at because to put it nicely, one of the girls living their was as controlling as an abusive boyfriend. Word to the wise though on parties like these; just wear the plain white shirt, you aren’t a badass because you wore blue to the highlighter party.

Don't know why it's not blacklight

3. Candy Land /Neon Party

This was a pretty fun party. Basically the girls who lived at the house decided they wanted to throw a Candy Land party. You had to dress up in neon colors and that was it. They had candy land types of items all over the house. The people at the party were dressed so bright you could have had a migraine. The best part was the candy soaking in Vodka. It may have soaked a little too long because they were violent to eat. Just so happens this party was at Closs’ house at school. I’m starting to notice a little trend with Closs here..anyone else?

We rocked yellow

They rocked pink

4. The Fake theme party 

My personal favorite. One night we decided to call all our friends up and tell them we were having a black out party. All you had to do was wear black, and if you didn’t don’t expect to come in. Naturally, everyone called asking if this was a joke, and wanted to make sure everyone was dressing up. I assured them that they have nothing to worry about and that everyone will be dressed up. It was a great theme that no one thought of before..Emo. The first ever Emo theme party. Everyone started coming over our house dressed in black like a funeral just let out. Much to everyone’s surprise myself and my four roommates were dressed in the brightest color’s possible. Excellent idea. Sorry, don’t have a picture for this one.

5. White Trash Wedding

The Sorority at our school was known for throwing awesome parties. Thankfully, we knew a lot of girls in this Sorority so we got to go to all the parties. The best party I have ever went to that was a theme was the White Trash Wedding. They had a shit load of kegs, shots galore, a fake priest, a fake bride and groom, a fake bridal party, and we were all invited to the ceremony. The ceremony was hilarious; the priest was smoking a cigarette the whole time. We all had a champagne toast after the wedding and then started to aggressively drink. The best part about this wedding was that you HAD to get your outfit from the thrift shop. I rocked a creamsicle orange blazer, a bud light t-shirt and a whack ass tie. Best party ever.

A touch of class

Wow…I miss college.

What are some theme parties you’ve been to?


Ho Ho Holy Shit..the Spotlight addition

Christmas mayhem..what do you know about it? I’m not talking about buying a lot of gifts in one trip to the mall, or decorating your house to the point where you neighbors are praying a group of vandals come over and mess your shit up.

I’m talking about being that asshole in the family that somehow turns Christmas into a night of aggressively drink and getting jolly’ed out of your mind. Now, before you start thinking that I somehow turned into an angel overnight, please re-read the Christmas Tequila Popper Story. I have 100% been a victim of the drink too much on Christmas, puke in the bathroom, and get screamed at the next morning club. However, this post isn’t about me, I’m the one that gets to pass the judgement around here.

Buckle up folks, Santa’s about to take this bitch from 0-60. (I’m enjoying these Christmas puns)

Let’s talk about some drunken moments that have occurred on or around Jesus’ birthday, shall we?

First up, my cousin JD. 

Which one am I talking about?

Ahhhh cousins, nothing can go wrong on Christmas Eve when you’re with family right? I mean besides the fact that my brother and I pretended we were 5 again and decided to match like our mom dressed us. But that’s beside the point. Believe it or not , our drunken Christmas Eve comes from the only lady in the grouping. The one and only JD.

Now, don’t get me wrong, she didn’t do anything horrible that you can’t come back from. Believe it or not, she was actually very funny. Here’s her back story. This was her senior year of college, she was studying like a beast for finals so she decided on Christmas Eve to knock a few back and really relax. Turn’s out she ended up getting pretty drunk and her volume went from a 3 to a 10. Her cheeks turned pretty red and then in a light scream she declared “I HAVE AN ASIAN GLOW!”. Naturally everyone cracked up, but the kicker here was that if you looked to your left, there just so happened to be a family of Asians at the next table. After JD made that proclamation she ended up needing some help coming back from the bathroom. To be honest, she 100% made my Christmas Eve that year. I can’t wait until this year.

__________________________________________

Next up, a regular at the Hangover Bible Headquarters..the one and only, ever so classy, Chaney. 

I hope once you see that little blurb about him you’re thinking to yourself “what the hell did this kid do now”. If you are, I am very happy you are thinking that because let me tell you, I have video evidence for this one. Chaney on Christmas Eve 2009 got way too drunk at his aunt’s house. Now for those of you that don’t know Chaney, when he gets very drunk he does and says whatever he wants. Insults flying, drunken rambling coming out of his mouth, snoring as loud as he possibly can, passing out in closets, honestly you name it he has done it. That’s why this video is so great. Chaney got way too drunk, pulled it out and started peeing in his Aunt”s living room on Christmas Eve. Luckily for the world, his little sister got it on tape. The video is hilarious, his sisters reaction is priceless. The house is decorated for Christmas and Chaney is even dressed nicely in a sweater and Khaki’s, urinating inside of a house.

…and everyone worries about their drunken uncles on Christmas? 

Have you had any drunken encounters during the holidays? Thanksgiving doesn’t count…


New Spin on the Spotlight.

When you read the Spotlight do you ever think to yourself “damn, that’s me” or “my friend does the same exact shit”..well if you do, I want to hear it! 

Starting next Wednesday I will be expanding the Spotlight to everyone.

Email me at hangoverbible@gmail.com and give me a picture and a brief description and I will add them to the Spotlight. (You can keep their names or change their names, whatever you want)

Have it submitted by 11:59 Tuesday Night.  

Today’s Spotlight’s are Knots & Spads.

Both those nicknames sound like something an annoying kid would name their dog right?

First up, Knots.

Pain in the ass on the bed..

Knot’s is a full blown pain in the ass. Not a heavy drinker at all, more like an extreme lightweight. When she is drunk she has no rules and gets destructive. First thing to go is her volume control. She will basically talk to you in screaming form. Second thing to go would have to be her manners, she cut’s deep with her insults. A funny joke we all say about Knot’s is that she can take it and she most definitely can dish it. I know that was reversed but that is usually how it goes with her. Everyone will be joking around with and she will smile and laugh and bottle it up and when you are least expecting it, BOOOOOM…she hits you with an insult that makes you want to crawl in a ball. Touche Knotto.

Prime Memory of Lenknotto – We were all little Freshmen in college and we thought we were awesome. We went to LI to go out by Closs for the night. We had a pretty decent sized group and we were having a lot of fun. Ms. Knot’s got the drunkest, the quickest, and decided she was going to annoy the shit out of everyone for the rest of the night. First, she interrupted everyone’s pool game. Second, she started making jabs at the other girls, and finally, she decided to take a little red straw from the bar, light it on fire and proceed to blow it in my face. I let her do it for about 5 times and finally I decided to take the straw, put it in the fire and gently tap the skin on her hand. You would think I soaked her in gasoline, picked her up and threw her into a fire. She was threatening to sue, she was going to have me killed. You name it, I was going to experience it.

All in all, Knot’s is hilarious and I love her. Sure, she can be a pain in the ass, but every group needs one right? 

She was an animal at Deadmau5

 

And now..Spads 

bro'd out at Deadmau5

This guy will most definitely throw up the next morning. He is so nonchalant about it, its actually comical. “Hey Spads, what are you doing?” “Oh, i’ll be right back I need to puke”. It’s that simple, and its that non discreet. Spads is tied with Amanda on how loud one can actually be while throwing up. If there is one thing I can say about Spad’s that would keep it short and simple, yet speak volumes would have to be the word Woodjobs. I will never say anything else about it. He truly is Ellll Matadorrr (say it in a Spanish accent, roll your L’s and R’s)

Prime memory of Spads – Senior year of college, it was a Friday afternoon in April and we started day drinking. We were outside on my back porch, laughing, yelling and being loud. Someone’s pocket pussy got ripped apart and actually thrown on the side of the house. Next thing we know, a cop walks in the backyard and tells us to keep it down “You can’t be yelling shit like pocket pussy!”. We all stopped with the PP talk but continued to drink. We came up with this great idea to go to one of the girls houses and piss them off. Spads had an idea to slam dunk on their beer pong table. The group of us stumbled to the girls house, awkwardly sat around and then started a fake game of beer pong. All of a sudden a half Mexican went soaring through the air and split the girls table in half. When I tell you this was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life, i’m not kidding. I actually was on the floor in pain from laughing so hard and I pissed my pants.

I love you Spads.

The aftermath of that table..

 

Thats the Spotlight for this week folks. I’m looking forward to seeing your suggestions.

Follow me on twitter @getitant

 

 


Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Well this is a topic my mom can write about for days and days. She is a victim to owning about 25-30 ugly Christmas sweaters, but here is the kicker, she didn’t think they were ugly. My grandmother would buy my mom these horrid looking sweaters every year, and if you think it stopped at Christmas you are DEAD wrong. My mom owned tacky Halloween sweaters, long sleeve shirts, vests, and earrings. She owned Thanksgiving sweaters, long sleeve Thanksgiving shirts, Turkey vests, and Cornucopia earrings and she had an arsenal of Christmas sweaters, long sleeve Christmas shirts, Christmas vests, and Christmas earrings.  Whats worse than getting picked by your mom rocking mom jeans? Your mom rocking mom jeans, an obnoxious Christmas sweater, jingle belles on her ears, and a turtle neck with little ho ho ho’s all over her shirt. She looked like Santa drank too much the night before and threw up Christmas all over her.

Thankfully, two of her best friends told her it’s time to retire the “Cracker Factory Sweaters” and start dressing normal around the Holiday’s. It wasn’t an easy one but after some time the awful Christmas attire made it’s way to a box and was put in the attic for a long period of time. High School goes by, and it wasn’t until college that the ugly Christmas sweater made its re-debut.

My roommates and I got an invite to a friends ugly Christmas sweater party and I basically shit myself.  Everyone quickly to be creative and run to the nearest thrift shop and try to find the tackiest sweater that could possibly resemble Christmas. Luckily for me, my shit was vintage, and I knew for a fact that NOBODY would be rocking what I rocked. I drove home and told my mom the great news. She didn’t find it funny, and was frankly a little annoyed that her ‘expensive‘ sweaters would be used as a joke. I ended up taking 3 sweaters and a vest for myself and my roommates and I was ready to rock that party.

Best part is one of our family friends was at the party and his mom just so happens to be one of my moms best friends who told her to put the Christmas sweaters to rest. As soon as I walked in he came up to me and said “These are definitely your moms sweaters!”

Here are some pics, all the guys were styled by my mom’s God awful sweaters.

Trev rocking the tree, I'm in the red, Billy in the vest, Chris Kelz in the green

Thanks mom...

Full frontal of my creepy Christmas sledding scene..

If you plan on hosting an Ugly Christmas Sweater party this year, give me a call. I’ve got about 2 boxes of sweaters in my attic. Also for future reference , if you want pilgrims, I got pilgrims. If you want Cornucopias and Indians with Turkeys running around, I have those too. Halloween related sweaters are available upon request…

And I can say, with this post I officially started the Christmas Scene…are you ready for Christmas?


One big ass Recap – Birthday’s and Black Out’s

Alright everyone, this will be a long one because we are covering Thanksgiving Eve through the weekend. In case you haven’t picked up on it yet, I don’t post on the weekends, Hangoverbible is strictly a Monday-Friday job. Weekends are spent “On Assignment”.

Enough with the foreplay..lets get dirty..

Wednesday Night – Thanksgiving Eve

Personally, I think Thanksgiving Eve isn’t the night to venture off somewhere. I think it’s fun to go out locally, get pretty disorderly and run into people you haven’t seen in awhile at the bars. That was exactly what I did. Nothing out of the norm that night. We started with a pregame at Derek’s apartment, went to the bar’s, waited on some lines. Spent a lot of money and that was it. Pretty standard Thanksgiving Eve. It wasn’t until I stopped for pizza, tried to go to another bar, then tried to go home, then tried to go to another bar, and finally noticed my brother driving home that the night went from 0 to 60. I basically got in the car pretty drunk and decided to yell and go on a drunken rant about cheap people and how I can’t stand them for the whole ride home. I kept going at McDonald’s, threw my fries all over the car, lost my burger somewhere and fell asleep. When we got home I decided to keep yelling, woke the whole family up and woke up the next morning with my laptop thrown, and my glasses crushed. It’s safe to say, I am a violent sleeper.

Thursday – Thanksgiving Day

It’s hard to pretend we’re all a peachy happy family when I had everyone up at 4 am to listen to my drunken rant. Since I hardly remembered it, I really don’t count it. My older brother was especially pissed because my drunken rant targeted his one specific friend. However, like I have stated in a previous post, if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen. My Thanksgiving was spent eating and getting sick from all the wine. How was yours? 

Birthday’s and Black Out’s – Friday & Saturday 

Friday –

I basically lived in White Plains this weekend. Friday night Paul’s sister Michelle took us all to White Plains for her boyfriend George’s birthday. We started at a dinner and went to the bars after. At dinner a few great things happended. Somehow the topic of “Muff Diving” came up. Someone who I will leave nameless (It wasn’t a guy, and it wasn’t Michelle)  made a comment that was one for the books. “I don’t know how you guys go under the Muff”. Unexpected? Yes..Hilarious? You know it. Our table was pissed off because we clearly missed the BYOBaby policy at the bar. At around 11ish, the group next to us revealed that attached to the guy’s chest was a baby. Seeing a baby in a packed bar with music blasting is a sight very few get to see and I am damn proud I saw him. At the rate that baby is going, I can without a doubt see him on Jersey Shore Season 15. Another quote I have from Friday night is “Slap on a dick”. I really have no clue what that was from. I just have it on a memo in my phone saying “post on blog” . Overall the night was really fun, Terasita was ordering “Fun Shots”, we ventured off to the upstairs at Elements for a quick trip to Spain and then I got lost at the Hudson Grille.

Baby taking a rest from dancing

T's fun shots..

Saturday – 

Continuing the Birthday’s and Black Out’s theme I was originally supposed to go to the City. After basically everyone bailed on me I ended up going to another birthday in White Plains. We went to Thirsty Turtle, not gonna lie, last time I went there I was still in college, but it was fun as hell. Drod decided to buy 20 shots which is never a bad thing. She also debuted a new dance move which was very similiar to happy feet, again..never a bad thing. On the away home from White Plains I made another proclamation that I am changing my moving plans to White Plains, again. Paul and I tried to recruit Higgins but he wasn’t feeling it. His loss. After we were dropped off at Pearl River the night took a turn for the outrageous. We went to 1 bar for a little, I don’t even remember the bar. So if I spoke to you, disregard it all. Paul and I decided to get pizza, the place was closed and Domino’s had 5 more minutes until they closed. We both ordered a pie each and hailed a cab. In the cab I stressed the importance of voting to the cab driver for the whole ride home. He was black, and I informed him that a black president like him wouldn’t be awful and he should run or try to make a difference. I was dancing pretty close to crossing the line that night. I gave him a slice of pizza, three bags of stolen chips and let him come inside to take a piss. After he pissed he sat at my kitchen table and we ate pissed as I kept stressing the importance of voting. Ladies and Gent’s eating pizza in your house at 4am with a cab driver and talking politics is called hitting rock bottom.

Happy Feet and her new friend

Higgs, Happy feet and their new friend

Genie sighting

Overall great weekend..I changed my moving plans again, talked republican politics with my cab driver, and spent way too much funny.

 

What did you do this weekend?


He’s baaaack

Sorry I have been so MIA as of late, but I have been crazy busy and couldn’t get around to the Bible. I will give you an extra large post today to make up for my time away.

So lets get balls deep into this..

Friday night stole the show this weekend.  Saturday was one of those nights that in retrospective, I should have just stayed home.

Friday, Gene, Amanda, Paul, and Gene’s buddy Andy went to the city. Genie is now officially a video hoe, so he had to attend the Music Video premiere. Which I decided to show you guys. (skip to 47 seconds, killed it with those head movements) Paul, Amanda, and myself went to visit our friend Kristin at her apartment and then head to the bars.

We went to a few bars and ended up meeting up with Gene when he got out of the premiere. Paul decided to bring us to the other side of the city so we can meet up with his sister Theresa. At first, I’ll admit it, I was skeptical. We drove basically to what felt like Minnesota, and I had to wait like 15 minutes to get in. Naturally, this was pissing me off. Once we got in, the juice was most definitely worth the squeeze. The bar was a lot of fun, they played good music, everyone was shaking it, and Theresa straight up was killing it. We stayed at the bar for awhile, but it felt like 5 minutes. Nights like Friday are the best though, no one has a definite plan, and we just winged it.

Everyone seemed to have their best faces on..

Only cool kids rock blazers and drink Chardonnay out...

 

Genie looks too happy, and I just look like garbage

 

Amanda with the face, and Theresa getting dirty behind her

Willing to bet this was during mmmm bop

Overall, Friday was a great night. Like I said in a previous post, I like to say I’m moving to wherever I was the night before. So yes, NYC you are the flavor of the month right now, but my friends and I rented a Ski House for New Years Eve, who know’s…I may start calling Hunter Mountain home?

 

On a random side note – For those wondering, yes..I have been rehired. Working here has its perks, I can honestly tell you that last week I worked 1 full day. I got paid, not full pay, but I still got paid for the week so I’m feeling it.

On an even more random note– Since i’m working at the family company I occasionally send out my resume to places just to see what’s out there. I figured, since I have this blog that now i’m instantly qualified for blogging positions. I thought it was a great idea, however now I realize, I can’t send this shit to anyone..who will hire me as a staff blogger when my first blog is called “Hangoverbible” and all I do is talk about how my friends and I are animals. Well I guess on the bright side, if people like Amanda can be a teacher by day and throw up on the side of the road by night, i’m in the clear.

Finally –

Thanksgiving is basically here. I’m not a huge fan of the Holiday, I think Turkey is as boring as that girl that plans Emily Thorn on Revenge. However, I do love the night before, Thanksgiving Eve. Hilarious how you can turn anything into an “Eve” and make it drinking related. Birthday Eve, Halloween Eve, Easter Eve, St. Patrick’s Day Eve, Homecoming Eve..the list can go on, you get my point though. Ridiculous things have happened on Thanksgiving Eve for me.

Last year – My mom wouldn’t let us pregame in the house because we have Thanksgiving at my house and she was all set up and didn’t want me and “my animals” (what she likes to call us) ruining the house. So like 16 year olds my friends and I drank in my freezing cold garage before we went to the bar.

Two years ago – We went to some lounge, we were all shocked at how dead it was, not realizing they had an upstairs that was insanely packed. Will and Derek ended up going to another club. Spanish and I decided to go home on the train. We got in a huge train fight, basically 15 guys and girls vs Spanish and myself. This all ended with Spanish spraying a girl with her water bottle soaked in Vodka. I went back to my house that I had at school and waited for my friends to come back and meet me. They never did until 8am when I heard pounding on my door. They were lost in New Rochelle trying to find my house and both of their phones died. Not happy campers on the drive home.

With my last two Thanksgiving Eve’s going that way, I can’t wait to see how this one pans out.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

 

 


Thursday Throwback – Happy Birthday John!

Staying with the birthday theme for this week, I decided I would make the Throwback story this week birthday related. This was from our friends surprise party in the city.

John’s girlfriend, and Hangoverbible regular, Jill decided she was going to throw John a surprise party for his birthday. She planned a whole big open bar deal for everyone, she got all our friends from school to come, all his friends from home to come, and even some of his family. John had no clue about the party, so basically mission accomplished right? We all got to the bar pretty early, the bartender clearly wasn’t ready for all of us, he had no clue what he was doing; instead of giving us wristbands, he wrote huge X’s on our hands in sharpie. Finally, he got a hold of the situation and the night was off to a great start.

A lot of women were coming in, some were good looking, others were manly, we didn’t really think anything of it. Before John came, we all started noticing one thing, this was without a doubt a lesbain bar, and ALL the lesbians at this bar were giving us death stares as to why the hell we were there. Shit officially got awkward. I won’t lie, my grouping of friends are not the type that just blends in a situation, we like to have our presence known when we go out.

Shortly after that John walks in, we all yell surprise and continue on with our night. Had to proceed with caution though because these girls really didn’t like that we were there. Girl on girl on the dance floor, girl on girl going on at the tables, girl on girl at the bar, girl on girl everywhere. I’m sure some of you are thinking “Girl on girl? That doesn’t sound that bad” well half of these girls were giving looks like they wanted you the fuck out of the bar as soon as possible. The night was fun, everyone ended up getting very drunk, we were all pretty cool with the lesbians by the time the night ended.

However, one thing you need to know about me is that there rarely is a happy ending. This story will prove that. As we are all leaving, most of us had left already, and of course a fight breaks out. Some of our buddies got in a fight with what may have been the other group of straight people at the bar. I was already on the train when I started getting texts saying “FIGHT BROKE OUT, C***** HIT HIS HEAD AND ITS GUSHING BLOOD AND T**** GOT STABBED”. Naturally, I shit my pants..someone got stabbed? Is this a fucking joke? I called and texted everyone, didn’t really get any answers, so with there being not much that I can do at this point I got off the train, grabbed some McDonalds and went back to my friends house and waited for the aftermath to ensue.

Make a long story short, the stabbing wasn’t that bad..it was a nice little cut around his fingers, and the head trauma wasn’t really bad either. No one had to go to the hospital, all was well. At the end of the day, shit happens when you party with lesbians.

Birthday Boy

 

Finally, a pic of Pete

 

My usual routine when I go out

 

Mark DJ'ing

Whens your birthday and how did/do you celebrate?