Tag Archives: Drunk

Ho Ho Holy Shit..the Spotlight addition

Christmas mayhem..what do you know about it? I’m not talking about buying a lot of gifts in one trip to the mall, or decorating your house to the point where you neighbors are praying a group of vandals come over and mess your shit up.

I’m talking about being that asshole in the family that somehow turns Christmas into a night of aggressively drink and getting jolly’ed out of your mind. Now, before you start thinking that I somehow turned into an angel overnight, please re-read the Christmas Tequila Popper Story. I have 100% been a victim of the drink too much on Christmas, puke in the bathroom, and get screamed at the next morning club. However, this post isn’t about me, I’m the one that gets to pass the judgement around here.

Buckle up folks, Santa’s about to take this bitch from 0-60. (I’m enjoying these Christmas puns)

Let’s talk about some drunken moments that have occurred on or around Jesus’ birthday, shall we?

First up, my cousin JD. 

Which one am I talking about?

Ahhhh cousins, nothing can go wrong on Christmas Eve when you’re with family right? I mean besides the fact that my brother and I pretended we were 5 again and decided to match like our mom dressed us. But that’s beside the point. Believe it or not , our drunken Christmas Eve comes from the only lady in the grouping. The one and only JD.

Now, don’t get me wrong, she didn’t do anything horrible that you can’t come back from. Believe it or not, she was actually very funny. Here’s her back story. This was her senior year of college, she was studying like a beast for finals so she decided on Christmas Eve to knock a few back and really relax. Turn’s out she ended up getting pretty drunk and her volume went from a 3 to a 10. Her cheeks turned pretty red and then in a light scream she declared “I HAVE AN ASIAN GLOW!”. Naturally everyone cracked up, but the kicker here was that if you looked to your left, there just so happened to be a family of Asians at the next table. After JD made that proclamation she ended up needing some help coming back from the bathroom. To be honest, she 100% made my Christmas Eve that year. I can’t wait until this year.

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Next up, a regular at the Hangover Bible Headquarters..the one and only, ever so classy, Chaney. 

I hope once you see that little blurb about him you’re thinking to yourself “what the hell did this kid do now”. If you are, I am very happy you are thinking that because let me tell you, I have video evidence for this one. Chaney on Christmas Eve 2009 got way too drunk at his aunt’s house. Now for those of you that don’t know Chaney, when he gets very drunk he does and says whatever he wants. Insults flying, drunken rambling coming out of his mouth, snoring as loud as he possibly can, passing out in closets, honestly you name it he has done it. That’s why this video is so great. Chaney got way too drunk, pulled it out and started peeing in his Aunt”s living room on Christmas Eve. Luckily for the world, his little sister got it on tape. The video is hilarious, his sisters reaction is priceless. The house is decorated for Christmas and Chaney is even dressed nicely in a sweater and Khaki’s, urinating inside of a house.

…and everyone worries about their drunken uncles on Christmas? 

Have you had any drunken encounters during the holidays? Thanksgiving doesn’t count…

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New Spin on the Spotlight.

When you read the Spotlight do you ever think to yourself “damn, that’s me” or “my friend does the same exact shit”..well if you do, I want to hear it! 

Starting next Wednesday I will be expanding the Spotlight to everyone.

Email me at hangoverbible@gmail.com and give me a picture and a brief description and I will add them to the Spotlight. (You can keep their names or change their names, whatever you want)

Have it submitted by 11:59 Tuesday Night.  

Today’s Spotlight’s are Knots & Spads.

Both those nicknames sound like something an annoying kid would name their dog right?

First up, Knots.

Pain in the ass on the bed..

Knot’s is a full blown pain in the ass. Not a heavy drinker at all, more like an extreme lightweight. When she is drunk she has no rules and gets destructive. First thing to go is her volume control. She will basically talk to you in screaming form. Second thing to go would have to be her manners, she cut’s deep with her insults. A funny joke we all say about Knot’s is that she can take it and she most definitely can dish it. I know that was reversed but that is usually how it goes with her. Everyone will be joking around with and she will smile and laugh and bottle it up and when you are least expecting it, BOOOOOM…she hits you with an insult that makes you want to crawl in a ball. Touche Knotto.

Prime Memory of Lenknotto – We were all little Freshmen in college and we thought we were awesome. We went to LI to go out by Closs for the night. We had a pretty decent sized group and we were having a lot of fun. Ms. Knot’s got the drunkest, the quickest, and decided she was going to annoy the shit out of everyone for the rest of the night. First, she interrupted everyone’s pool game. Second, she started making jabs at the other girls, and finally, she decided to take a little red straw from the bar, light it on fire and proceed to blow it in my face. I let her do it for about 5 times and finally I decided to take the straw, put it in the fire and gently tap the skin on her hand. You would think I soaked her in gasoline, picked her up and threw her into a fire. She was threatening to sue, she was going to have me killed. You name it, I was going to experience it.

All in all, Knot’s is hilarious and I love her. Sure, she can be a pain in the ass, but every group needs one right? 

She was an animal at Deadmau5

 

And now..Spads 

bro'd out at Deadmau5

This guy will most definitely throw up the next morning. He is so nonchalant about it, its actually comical. “Hey Spads, what are you doing?” “Oh, i’ll be right back I need to puke”. It’s that simple, and its that non discreet. Spads is tied with Amanda on how loud one can actually be while throwing up. If there is one thing I can say about Spad’s that would keep it short and simple, yet speak volumes would have to be the word Woodjobs. I will never say anything else about it. He truly is Ellll Matadorrr (say it in a Spanish accent, roll your L’s and R’s)

Prime memory of Spads – Senior year of college, it was a Friday afternoon in April and we started day drinking. We were outside on my back porch, laughing, yelling and being loud. Someone’s pocket pussy got ripped apart and actually thrown on the side of the house. Next thing we know, a cop walks in the backyard and tells us to keep it down “You can’t be yelling shit like pocket pussy!”. We all stopped with the PP talk but continued to drink. We came up with this great idea to go to one of the girls houses and piss them off. Spads had an idea to slam dunk on their beer pong table. The group of us stumbled to the girls house, awkwardly sat around and then started a fake game of beer pong. All of a sudden a half Mexican went soaring through the air and split the girls table in half. When I tell you this was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life, i’m not kidding. I actually was on the floor in pain from laughing so hard and I pissed my pants.

I love you Spads.

The aftermath of that table..

 

Thats the Spotlight for this week folks. I’m looking forward to seeing your suggestions.

Follow me on twitter @getitant

 

 


HangoverBible Spotlight

Wednesday at the Bible is my favorite day of the week. Every Wednesday I like to do the HangoverBible Spotlight. If you aren’t familiar with the Spotlight it’s very simple. I take 5 of my friends and classify them on how they are drunk/next morning hungover. It’s my way of showing you how dirty I get, with the people I get dirty with.

Today’s roster consists of: Derek, Amanda, Mia, Trevor, and wrapping it up Sileo.

Lets begin, shall we?

Starting us off is Derek.

Derek

Derek may be one of the funniest people I know. He’s one of my best friends and most outrageous friends. Going out with Derek pretty much assures you are going to black out that night. When I say Derek goes hard, I mean he goes HARD, I’m talking losing teeth at the bar hard. (I’m not joking) He will go out and get dirty with the best of them. Hangover wise I’m sure he gets them but the next morning when I see him 9 out of 10 times he’s definitely still drunk.

Thatta boy

Up Next – Amanda 

A beast

Amanda is a wild animal when she goes out. One of the most out of control people you will meet. She will make you pee you’re pants laughing while you’re out and even when you get home. Sometime’s Amanda dances on the line of no return. I’m talking text messages making no sense at all, slurring all of her words, even falling and breaking bones. The next morning Amanda’s hangovers are just as wild as she is, she has no problem making you pull over on the side of the road to throw up, actually she has no problem throwing up anywhere. She wears her heart on her sleeve, you know exactly how she is feeling. If you are unlucky enough to be in the carpool with her and she wants to go home she will text the absolute shit out of you to leave. Overall though, she is a hilarious time.

There's our girl...

Tough act to follow, but here’s Mia.

Get It Girl

Thankfully, Mia has calmed down through the years. You don’t get the nickname Noodle Legs for nothing, but that nickname is long gone. Mia is notorious for having two water bottles in her hands, one of vodka and one of a chaser. She can and will throw down with the best of them. Till this day though, Mia will only dance on her birthday, loves to take shots and puts you in the most awkward situations of your life. Mia gets dangerously hungover, I think she may have invented the two day hangover.

She also never has bad pics on FaceBook..

Here’s Trevor the Texan.

Blurry, but hilarious

Trevor was my roommate all 4 years of college. This guy went from hardly drinking in freshman year to killing handles sophomore year, to blacked out fighting junior year, to out of his mind senior year. He went from social drinker to a tank. Trev used to get himself so drunk that he would get pretty vicious bruises, cracked head, cut open eye, random scratches, you name it, he has had it. Going out with Trev always has an uncertainty to it. You never knew how he would get, usually he would be fun though and if you ever wanted to get in a fight, he was the best person to have in your corner. You will always have love for someone who drunkenly pissed in your closet.

Blacked Out Junior Year

Wrapping it up today is Sileo.

Sil

Sileo, or as I like to call him, Staten Island Sil is one of the greatest people to go out with. We have a lot of the same clothing which is pretty awkward so before we go out I usually get a text asking “what are you wearing tonight?” It may sound weird to you, but it’s weirder when two of the people you go out with are in the exact same shirt. I joke with Sil that him drunk and sober are the same thing, no difference. I may be kidding, I may not be, I’d like to showed otherwise by him. The one thing that cracks me up about Sil is that he dances on vacation and is a djais VIP.

Sileo last Halloween as "Elliot Roth"

That wraps up the Spotlight today. Check in next week to see if you make it on the list.